I rather be a drum major

Thanks goes out to Field Negro:the field negro: I wish I was a white person's pet. The part on mimicking raced white folks is good advice, I put it in bold.

I wish I was a white person's pet
By field negro



especially a dog.

In case you didn't know this; white people really really treat their pets well. I swear, white people love their pets more than they love people. Seriously, they have clothes for their pets, gourmet food for their pets, exercise schools for their pets, they take their pets in their cars with them, they have pet hotels,......well, you get the picture. I hope your life never depends on a white person choosing between you and his pet, or trust me, you will be a dead SOB.

I heard a white guy on the radio once talking about the fact that he just dropped $3,000 to try to save his dog's life,after some type of growth was found on his throat. He says the dog was old (11 years old I think) and even though the dog died, he said it was worth every penny. And I have a co-worker who damn near drops $30 per day to keep his dog in the doggy day care while both he and his wife are working . And he is not alone. If you have some money and want to open a profitable business, you might want to consider a doggy day care, or pet hotel in Center City, Philadelphia. You will be rich!

Ten people were shot to death this past weekend in Philadelphia, but that was still page two news here. Now I guarantee you, that if there were ten dogs shot all across the city, white people would be losing their f*****g minds. It would be on FOX and CNN. "What? Ten dogs shot? My God what is this country coming to? How can someone just shoot an innocent dog? The life expectancy of the average white person's pet is probably longer than that of an infant in most poor neighborhoods in this country. The infant mortality rate of puppies as opposed to little Indian children, and poor black and white children. Mmmmm, it would be interesting to find that out wouldn't it? Hey, I am sure it's close, cause I bet white people spend more on their pet's health care than us black folks spend on our own kids. (Someone should consider doing a study on that one)

And don't even get me started about you black folks and your pets. Damn ,you all treat your pets bad. I mean why would a dog or a pet even want to be owned by a black person? And honestly, you all don't need to be having pets any damn way. You don't have to do everything that white folks do. They can afford it, you can't. I remember I had a black lab when I was in law school named Virgo -may his soul rest in peace. My girl friend at the time didn't even want Virgo in the house when she came over, (yep, black folks don't keep their pets in the house) and she would lose her f*****g mind when Virgo came around her. I bet if I had a white girl she wouldn't have had a problem with Virgo being in the house. Why? Because white people are programed from child hood to love their pets. Black people are programed to treat their pets like....well animals. We use them to guard our shit, while white folks see them as a part of the family.

So now the country is in an uproar because poison was found in some pet food. As a result, white folks are losing their freaking minds again. Law suits are flying left and right, every major news outlet is on the story, and even congress is getting involved. I saw a white lady in the paper and she was beside her self with grief and rage, because her pet had died from tainted pet food. The inhumanity!! I mean, the in-pet-manity! I sure hope the republic can survive.

Any day now, those CEO's from Purina and all those other pet companies, will be doing a perp walk just like Ken Lay from Enron did. And white folks will be watching and cheering every tortured step.

On a more serious note:

Before I go I would like to apologize to Condoleezza Rice for referring to her as the "bad perm lady" in the past. I am publicly apologizing (something I never do) because in light of what happened recently with Don Imus, I realize that I am somewhat of a hypocrite. I can't rip the old coot for calling my sisters "nappy headed hoes", when in essence, I was doing the same thing in a public forum about the most powerful sister in the country.

So Condi, I am sorry for my choice of words, and I will never call you the "bad perm lady" again......

good one field negro, some folks don't mind getting that occasional pat on the head, or should I say that sympathetic handshake.